Today was a harsh day

After sleeping 3 days more.

Skipping and m'ing.

Being hurt that my plan to get the laptop cleaned up isnt going rn

And mentally drained over all the chores.

Abang shahir is not helpful in these matter

I put on spotify after about a week without it

Then, i put on aqua timez's last dance youtube playlist

Suddenly the concert ambience feels too vivid

It feels like i can see futoshi crying

Plus i had watched a video recording of fans crying, so their hoarse voice become more apparent.

Remembering how futoshi's little parade only release a 2 track album.. Instead of releasing more song..

I cried over their disbandment

I remembered what a situation i was when i first heard about their disbandment

My heartbroken self

My depressed self

My stressed-over-finals self

My missed my ex self

My frustrations on how i havent get to hear all aqua timez songs and how i realised there ll be no more aqua timez song

Also, im thinking about why i cant sleep comfortably in this house yet

What was missing from this bed?

Is... I dont have a wall that i can lean to when i sleep

Maybe, it's homesickness?

Thats a lot . . .

Actually ,

What am i grieving upon?